Addressing Misconceptions in Marriage – Marriage Missions Worldwide

Have you ever discovered that your married life is TOTALLY totally different, than you imagined it ever can be earlier than you and your partner stated, “I do?” Sure, it’s completely totally different for us too! And we do imply TOTALLY! It’s superb to consider all the misconceptions we stock into our marriages!

But it surely’s vital that we work via these variations in wholesome methods, so we don’t destroy our relationship.

So, to assist us on this mission of marriage, we can be shining a lightweight upon and addressing misconceptions (at the least a couple of of them) that we will seize onto regarding marriage.

“A cynic as soon as stated, ‘Marriage is sort of a scorching tub. When you get used to it, it isn’t so scorching.’ I take exception to a part of that bitter skeptic’s standpoint. Anybody is aware of if the bathtub water will get too chilly, you merely add extra scorching water.

“But we frequently fail to make use of this identical frequent sense in marriage. We predict, maybe subconsciously, that on our marriage ceremony day all we want is love for one another, and our marriage will final a lifetime, propelling us via all of the marital storms that life would possibly blow our method. Erroneously, we consider we are going to mechanically stay in marital bliss ’until dying do us half.’” (Barbara Russell Chesser)

Oh, how naive we could be! However right here’s one thing else that Chesser stated that’s oh, so true:

“One important step in stopping marriage from cooling off is eliminating unrealistic expectations for marriage.”

Addressing Frequent Misconceptions

So, in gentle of this, we’re sharing some naive expectations and customary misconceptions from the e book, When the Glass Slipper Doesn’t Fit written by Claire Cloninger and Karla Worley (utilized by permission). The authors additionally give insights into among the truths they’ve found alongside the way in which to battle in opposition to these misconceptions. We encourage you to prayerfully think about the factors they make. So, right here goes:

False impression #1: The Diploma-of-Problem idea

I believed marriage can be simpler. I believed we’d match collectively roughly mechanically. Plus, I believed love would glide us via the “bonding course of” with no hitch.

However I’ve discovered that little or no appears to occur mechanically in a wedding relationship. Marriage is figure—typically sweaty, uncomfortable work. In truth, I determine that the diploma of problem in combining two lives ranks someplace between rerouting a hurricane and discovering a parking place in downtown Manhattan.

I’m of the opinion that solely God Himself could make a wedding occur rather well. And when He does it His method, it’s one in every of His best miracles. What God can create out of the mixed elements of two surrendered lives is certainly “infinitely greater than we ever dare to ask or think about.” (Ephesians 3:20)

False impression #2: The “Clairvoyant” Partner Principle

After I was a newlywed, I believed that if Claire actually beloved me, he ought to mechanically know what I used to be considering and feeling. He would know what I wanted with out my verbalizing a factor. If my wants weren’t being met precisely as I felt they need to be, I might leap to the conclusion that he didn’t love me.

It was an unlimited breakthrough for me to appreciate that Claire actually wished to be there for me. He wished to have the ability to meet my wants the very best he may. However he wasn’t a thoughts reader. He couldn’t know what I wanted until I instructed him!

And so, through the years, we’ve gotten higher at sharing our ideas and emotions. We’re additionally higher about clarifying our hopes, wants, and expectations for one another and our relationship. As a consequence, we’ve gotten higher at assembly one another’s wants and serving to one another notice a few of these hopes and expectations.

False impression #3: The Key-to-Happiness Principle

Earlier than I used to be married, I believed being joyful meant getting what you need. I’ve discovered, after thirty-seven years of marriage, that being joyful means loving what you get.

False impression #4: The Beef-Stew Principle

Within the early years of our marriage, after we had been each at school and dealing a few jobs and never seeing practically sufficient of one another, I had the misunderstanding {that a} marriage can survive that form of benign neglect.

I’ve discovered since then the reality of what my pal Chris Kelly all the time says. Making a wedding is quite a bit like making a stew. It’s going to solely be nearly as good because the elements you place into it. Should you aren’t taking time for lengthy talks and lengthy walks collectively, for particular dinners and afternoons off, for laughter and romance and celebrating one another, your marriage goes to be a bland and watery dish certainly.

False impression #5: The Main Moments Principle

I by some means assumed early on that a very powerful days in a wedding can be the anniversaries, the weddings, the Christmases, and the household reunions. I’ve discovered as an alternative that a very powerful day in any marriage is as we speak.

My pal Mr. George instructed me one thing when he was a really outdated man; it’s one thing I’ve by no means forgotten. “Claire,” he stated, “Don’t wait to be joyful. Don’t put it off.

“Martha Lee and I had been all the time going to take a flowery journey out to California when Buddy was via with faculty. We by no means made it to California.” He chuckled somewhat, sadly shaking his head. I think about he was remembering his Martha Lee. After which he stated, “Name up Karla proper now. You two must exit and do one thing great collectively… tonight!”

False impression #6: The Grin-and-Bear-It Principle

I’ve received to admit that I used to have a serious false impression about God and marriage. I believed that if we do get caught in a awful marriage, God desires us to hold on by the pores and skin of our enamel. We’d merely intestine it out till the bitter finish. I used to be incorrect about this—terribly incorrect.

This isn’t what God desires. He desires us to remain collectively, all proper. But it surely’s not sufficient simply to intestine it out. He desires us to remain, pray, work and preserve loving. He desires us to offer Him on a regular basis and house He must make our awful marriage into one thing not simply tolerable, however lovely and courageous and powerful. It’s to be one thing that may witness to His mercy and His presence on this world.

I believe He’s saying one thing to married {couples}, if we are going to simply hear Him: “Don’t accept a nasty marriage, or perhaps a mediocre one. Don’t decrease your expectations. Increase them! Belief Me! I’m nonetheless a God of miracles!”

That’s SO true! However we discovered one other vital level that additionally must be made. Patrick Mabilog (in his article, “5 Frequent Misconceptions of a Christian Marriage”) makes this level and we whole-heartedly agree!

The Most Vital False impression: Figuring out God’s Instructions is Sufficient

It’s not sufficient to know God’s instructions given on marriage and life. As a pair, we should observe and obey God’s instructions, not only for our spouses’ sake, however for ours as nicely.

We have to know the Lord in a private method AND we have to know His Phrase (by studying and praying via it); however we additionally MUST apply what the Lord reveals us because it pertains to dwelling with our partner. We are able to have the best of intentions, and the best instruments at our fingertips to assist us in our marriages; but when we don’t know AND apply what we all know, what good is it?

So, to assist fight marital misconceptions, let’s study collectively and apply what we study. Right here’s a hyperlink to a useful scriptural device that we encourage you to make the most of and apply:

• PROVERBS FOR EVERYDAY MARRIED LIFE 

Please know that in combating in opposition to misconceptions in marriage (as Doug Fields factors out and we agree):

“It doesn’t matter what age you might be or how lengthy you’ve been a Christian; a recent begin is feasible for everyone. You can begin over! The dangerous information is that most individuals hand over; they accept second finest; they don’t begin over; they keep caught. Please don’t permit that to be you. Don’t give up. Don’t panic. And don’t hand over. Do not forget that God is dedicated to carrying on the work He has began in you! There’s limitless grace, mercy, forgiveness, therapeutic, and newness of life for anybody who calls upon the identify of the Lord. So, preserve urgent on within the journey to which God has referred to as you. Your recent begin is ready for you. “

Might we decide to work on our marriages this week and past to be “one thing that may witness to His mercy and His presence…”

Cindy and Steve Wright

— ADDITIONALLY —

That will help you even additional, we give lots of private tales, humor, and extra sensible suggestions in our e book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you’ll choose up a duplicate for your self. (It’s accessible each electronically and in print kind.) Plus, it could possibly make a terrific present for another person. It provides you the chance to assist them develop their marriage. And who doesn’t want that? Simply click on on the linked title or the image beneath:

ALSO:

In case you are not a subscriber to the Marriage Insights (emailed out weekly)
and also you wish to obtain them instantly, click on onto the next:

Print Post