What’s a Spouse to Do? Coping with a Tough Husband

Rising up, a really tough member of the family was married to a loving, type particular person with a servant’s coronary heart, a person who appeared to do every thing potential to maintain the difficult partner blissful. 

We puzzled how the partner was in a position to cope with such a tough particular person, all of the whereas, dwelling out Ephesians 4:2 to, “Be utterly humble and delicate; be affected person, bearing with each other in love.”

For a lot of {couples}, modern-day marriage is about specializing in self, and what makes every particular person blissful. A tough partner isn’t somebody most married folks need to cope with long-term. Nonetheless, marriage provides us the chance to grow to be extra Christ-like, particularly when coping with a difficult partner. 

In contrast to the world’s pursuit of happiness, God has deeper and extra rewarding functions in thoughts for marriage. Psalm 66:10 describes how, “For You, God, examined us; You refined us like silver.” 

As exhausting because it is perhaps, God can work good issues out inside us as we cope with a tough partner. Romans 8:28 reminds us, “And we all know that in all issues God works for the great of those that love Him, who’ve been known as in keeping with His objective.” 

Abigail’s Introduction

1 Samuel 25:3 highlights the story of Abigail and Nabal of their relationship with David’s years of working for his life from King Saul: “His identify was Nabal and his spouse’s identify was Abigail. She was an clever and delightful girl, however her husband was surly and imply in his dealings—he was a Calebite.”

Though Abigail’s husband is described as unpleasant and ugly to cope with, Scripture doesn’t describe their marriage relationship. Nonetheless, we assume from the outline that he was an especially tough husband.

Abigail’s Predicament

Tenting close to Nabal’s flocks, David seen it was sheep-shearing time. Respectfully, he saved his distance, even protectively watching over Nabal’s males and sheep, ultimately sending a messenger to ask him if he would possibly share his harvest with David and his males (1 Samuel 25:15-16).

Outraged at David’s request, Nabal hurls insults again at him, infuriating David to plan a slaughter of Nabal and all his males. On overhearing David’s plan, a servant of Nabal rushed to Abigail saying, “Now suppose it over and see what you are able to do, as a result of catastrophe is hanging over our grasp and his complete family. He’s such a depraved man that nobody can discuss to him’” (1 Samuel 25:17).

Some wives can relate to coping with an unapproachable husband whom they, or anybody else, can’t discuss to about an essential matter. In these conditions, what’s a spouse to do?

Abigail’s Selection

On this life-and-death state of affairs, Abigail was confronted with making a right away resolution, realizing she wouldn’t be capable to purpose together with her unreasonable husband. Performing rapidly, she ready an extravagant quantity of provides for David and his males. “Then she informed her servants,’ Go on forward; I’ll observe you.’ However she didn’t inform her husband Nabal” (1 Samuel 25:19).

Abigail selected to meet her God-given name to be a helper to her husband, regardless that he had created the fateful state of affairs and hadn’t requested for or needed her assist. Slightly than abandon him to the looming, tragic penalties he was bringing on himself and his males, she stepped in to assist him. She acknowledged her husband’s weaknesses and intervened to assist him when it was in her energy to take action. 

Abigail’s Dangers

Abigail risked every thing to do what was proper earlier than God, and He gave her knowledge in realizing how one can strategy David. “She fell at his ft and mentioned: ‘Pardon your servant, my lord, and let me converse to you; hear what your servant has to say. Please pay no consideration, my lord, to that depraved man Nabal. He is rather like his identify—his identify means Idiot, and folly goes with him” (1 Samuel 25:24-26).

Some could query whether or not Abigail’s phrases to David regarding her husband have been disrespectful. Was she defaming her husband’s identify or merely talking the reality of the state of affairs? 

In response, “David mentioned to Abigail, ‘Reward be to the Lord, the God of Israel, who has despatched you at present to satisfy me. Could you be blessed to your common sense and for protecting me from bloodshed at the present time and from avenging myself with my very own arms.’ Then David accepted from her hand what she had introduced him and mentioned, ‘Go dwelling in peace. I’ve heard your phrases and granted your request’” (1 Samuel 25:32-35). 

Abigail’s Longsuffering

As difficult because it will need to have been for her, Abigail’s husband’s making an attempt persona gave her the chance to undergo God and do what would please Him, together with rising in godliness. 1 Timothy 4:8 reminds us, “For bodily coaching is of some worth, however godliness has worth for all issues, holding promise for each the current life and the life to return.”

Scripture doesn’t inform us how a ravishing, vibrant girl like Abigail ended up married to an unruly man like Nabal, most definitely an organized marriage to learn her household’s monetary state of affairs. But, Abigail yielded to doing what was proper earlier than God, over her husband’s needs. It’s straightforward to underestimate the good danger she took by doing what she did, however she was not solely risking her life but in addition her future together with her husband. With each David and Nabal, she was making a life-and-death resolution, with every thing to lose. 

5 Methods to Cope

Like Abigail, there are wives at present simply making an attempt to outlive day after day with a tough husband. 

The next are 5 methods to assist them cope:

1. Look to God. No different particular person on earth, and particularly a tough husband, is created to totally meet a spouse’s wants as a result of it’s the place solely God can fill. 

As an alternative of seeking to a husband, a spouse can look to God, who calls all of us to look to Him to satisfy our each want. As Philippians 4:19 explains, “And my God will meet all of your wants in keeping with the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus.” 

2. Reply God’s name. God created and known as ladies to be man’s helpers. Nonetheless, many ladies don’t need to assist, particularly a tough man like Nabal. 

Likewise, many males don’t suppose they want a lady’s assist. But, Genesis 2:18 explains, “The Lord God mentioned, ‘It’s not good for the person to be alone. I’ll make a helper appropriate for him.’”

Males don’t do nicely alone, so God created ladies, not as an afterthought, however exquisitely to be a helper extraordinaire. He provides ladies godly perception and affect, which is extraordinarily useful and useful to their husbands. 

Like Abigail, even when a husband has created a devastating state of affairs, a spouse can select to observe God’s lead to assist him. Romans 15:1 encourages, “We who’re robust must bear with the failings of the weak and never please ourselves.” 

3. Provide companionship. Though a tough husband’s demeanor pushes a spouse away, she will be able to search methods to be a companion. Even when he appears unappreciative, she will be able to do it to please God, seeking to Him for her reward. As Colossians 3:17 urges: “And no matter you do, whether or not in phrase or deed, do all of it within the identify of the Lord Jesus, giving due to God the Father by way of Him.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 reminds us how, “Two are higher than one, as a result of they’ve a very good return for his or her labor: If both of them falls down, one may also help the opposite up. However pity the one who falls and has nobody to assist them up.” 

4. Pray. Most of all, wives can pray for his or her husbands. Like 1 Timothy 2:1 encourages, “I urge, then, to begin with, that petitions, prayers, intercession, and thanksgiving be made for all folks.”

As nicely, if potential, pray with him and let God work by way of the phrases spoken to melt his coronary heart. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 urges us to “Due to this fact encourage each other and construct one another up, simply as actually you might be doing.” 

5. Belief God. Attempting to vary a tough husband doesn’t ever work however normally has the other impact, inflicting a husband to withstand his spouse’s efforts and develop more difficult. Actual transformation takes place from the within out when God strikes upon his coronary heart, making him a brand new man. 

Nonetheless, God provides a spouse super affect in nurturing religion inside her husband’s life. 1 Peter 3:1-2 reveals how God can work by way of a spouse’s belief and religion in Him: “Wives, in the identical manner submit yourselves to your personal husbands in order that, if any of them don’t imagine the phrase, they might be received over with out phrases by the habits of their wives after they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” 

Picture Credit score: ©Getty Pictures/fizkes

Lynette Kittle is married with 4 daughters. She enjoys writing about religion, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been printed by Concentrate on the Household, Choice, At present’s Christian Girl, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, StartMarriageRight.com, and extra. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent College and serves as affiliate producer for Soul Check TV.

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