In a fast Google search, it is estimated that solely about 18% of individuals save their first kiss for marriage. Concluding the variety of bizarre appears to be like Ben and I obtained main as much as our marriage, I think that quantity is even decrease. As an adolescent, I by no means went on a date. Partially as a result of nobody ever requested me out. Partly as a result of I in all probability wasn’t prepared, and the Lord knew greatest. I all the time prayed so far and marry one individual. When Ben and I met, we weren’t a “love at first look” couple. He beloved Info Expertise and video video games. I beloved to bop and all issues aesthetic. He could possibly be seen on the embarrassingly humorous and nerdy adverts for the school assist desk, whereas I might run the paths and recruit dancers for my crew. Earlier than Ben knew what hit him, he was my dance accomplice. And earlier than I knew what hit me, I used to be occurring my first date with a man I by no means thought of courting however whom I might finally marry.
5 years later, on July third, 2023, Ben and I bought married. And on that day, we had our very first kiss. I feel the individuals within the crowd have been extra anxious and excited than us at that second! Nonetheless, saving that a part of ourselves and the remainder of our our bodies was value it, and I might like to share with you three advantages or the explanation why.
1. Saving your first kiss till marriage means that you can deal with friendship.
Flashback to 2017. The month was August, and the lobby of Ohio Christian College grew humid. Making an attempt to recruit dancers for my dance crew, a pal I would met the yr earlier than introduced Ben to my desk. “Are you interested by becoming a member of Actions From the Coronary heart?” I requested confidently. His gaze barely met my imaginative and prescient. However earlier than I might say anymore, he was gone. “That is simply Ben,” my pal consoled. He is usually a bit shy. That is okay, I assumed. “You possibly can meet him later,” she provided, filling the empty and awkward areas along with her voice. Lower than a yr later, I searched the college for mission journey companions. I by no means imagined assembly Ben but once more, however right here I used to be, asking, “Have we met earlier than? Aren’t you the man who ran away from my dance desk?” Within the blink of an eye fixed, Ben and I clicked. I would surrendered my want to be in a relationship with God, and Ben wasn’t searching for something now. We’re protected, I assumed. Little did I notice God was in management.
Flash ahead to July 2018. Ben and I had been “speaking” for a month, and by “speaking,” I imply sending books of texts to one another on daily basis. I would by no means been pursued earlier than, however I knew one thing about this was proper. We determined so far however broke up in September as a result of we could not get alongside. On paper, he was the proper match. I did not perceive and was devastated. I even wrote a journal entry telling God I used to be sorry for praying to satisfy and marry one man and save my first kiss till marriage as a result of it was silly. However pricey reader, please know that is not true if that is you. It is not unattainable, and people desires actually aren’t silly. God hears you, they usually can come true.
Over the subsequent few months, Ben and I remained in contact. He was in my dance group, however greater than that, we started to foster friendship. One thing we each missed the primary time round. And because the laughter grew, so did the chemistry. By December 2018, we knew it was time to outline the connection and commenced courting once more. As a result of Ben and I made a decision to save lots of our first kiss till marriage, it helped us frequently deal with our relationship’s friendship. Whereas sure, there have been many, many, many occasions we needed to interrupt that rule, holding off pressured us to deal with what we would wish on daily basis for the remainder of our lives: friendship. And that is one thing we nonetheless imagine to this present day was value it.
2. Saving your first kiss till marriage builds self-control and respect.
I wish to congratulate you in the event you’ve determined to save lots of your first kiss till marriage, like Ben and I. It is such a good looking and God-honoring factor to do. Nonetheless, I do wish to observe that it is actually not essential. And definitely not straightforward. Many associates have kissed earlier than marriage, and God loves them the identical. Kissing earlier than marriage is not a sin (except it leads you into different issues I will handle in level 3) and will be advantageous for some {couples}. For Ben and I, nonetheless, saving our first kiss helped us to construct respect and self-control for a lifetime. As a result of Ben and I had completely different struggles mentally and bodily going into courting, we needed to be attentive to 1 one other’s wants. Eradicating bodily expectations like kissing or having heated make-out periods allowed us to train the fruits of the spirit and deeply love each other, not lust or infatuation, however in love.
It is famous the honeymoon section of courting lasts a few yr, after which issues begin to go downhill. However I am right here to let you know that after 5 years of courting, although Ben and I had our mountains and valleys, not mixing any type of sexual intimacy helped us to know each other actually. If you happen to requested Ben or me about our favourite factor to do collectively whereas courting, we’d each let you know speaking and hanging out. As a result of while you’re not making out for hours, you are often speaking or hanging out (come on, you recognize I am proper). And that’s actually what arrives with marriage. Being clear and open with my husband has solely benefitted us on this new highway we’re strolling. And the identical has gone for him. Not kissing till marriage allowed Ben and me time to be taught and deal with one another. From behaviors to struggles and likes and dislikes, we turned knowledgeable in varied methods.
Suppose you are going to wait till marriage. In that case, we advocate studying books like The Nice Intercourse Rescue, Not But Married, The Mingling of Souls, and Getting Prepared for Marriage and collaborating in pre-engagement counseling. Diving into deep questions earlier than engagement or marriage will particularly assist in the difficult days to return.
3. Saving your first kiss till marriage may help scale back sexual temptation.
The third good thing about saving your first kiss till marriage could appear apparent, however I nonetheless felt it was essential to say. As Christians, Ben and I each knew we needed to save lots of intimacy for marriage, not simply because it sounded good however as a result of we knew it was what God commanded of us. Whereas God does not condemn kissing earlier than marriage, he does observe intercourse is reserved for marriage. Sadly, whether or not we would prefer to acknowledge it or not, kissing can open the gates to sexual intimacy—even for the perfect Christians. After all, these round us did not perceive. We have been referred to as petty, immature, silly, and assured to have a horrible wedding ceremony evening (as if that was their enterprise in any case).
Whereas our first official kiss in entrance of the individuals at our wedding ceremony wasn’t magical and did not embody fireworks, these first few kisses are reminiscences I’ll maintain in my coronary heart for the remainder of my life. Not as a result of they have been good or essentially the most romantic factor on the planet, however as a result of they represented one thing particular we might share collectively and honor God by means of. Saving your first kiss till marriage does not make you a saint or a greater Christian than anybody else. It additionally doesn’t suggest you will not nonetheless battle with the identical needs and temptations that those that kiss do. But when I might give you one closing thought, it could be this: Saving your first kiss till marriage is a bittersweet reward. Candy as a result of it is sacred, bitter as a result of as soon as it is gone, it is gone. You will by no means be capable of replicate that second once more. However on the finish of the day, it will be value it.
Photograph Credit score: ©Getty Photos/Vasil Dimitrov
